Amicus Curiae Brief — Whole Woman's Health v. Cole, 136 S. Ct. 499 (2015) (No. 15-274)

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No. 15-274 OFFICE OF THE CLERK |

In the Supreme Court of the United States

WHOLE WOMAN'S HEALTH, et ai.,

Petitioners,

Vv.

JOHN HELLERSTEDT, M.D., COMMISSIONER, TEXAS

DEPARTMENT OF STATE HEALTH SERVICES, et ai.,

Respondents.

On Writ of Certiorari to the United States

Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit

BRIEF OF AMICUS CURIAE PRIESTS FOR LIFE

IN SUPPORT OF RESPONDENTS

ROBERT JOSEPH MUISE

Counsel of Record

American Freedom Law Center

P.O. Box 131098

Ann Arbor, Michigan 48113

(734) 635-3756

rmuise@americanfreedomluwcenter.org

DAVID YERUSHALMI

American Freedom Law Center

1901 Pennsylvania Avenue NW

Suite 201

Washington, D.C. 20006

(855) 835-2352

Counsel for Amicus Curiae

a -—-——_ —_ — ee

——_—— = —__— - —

Becker Gallagher Cincinnati, OH Washington, D.C 800.890.5001

i

TABLE OF CONTENTS

TABLE OF AUTHORITIES i

STATEMENT OF IDENTITY AND INTERESTS

OF AMICUS CURIAE PRIESTS FOR LIFE l

SUMMARY OF THE ARGUMENT 3

ARGUMENT 3

I. Texas Has a Legitimate Basis to Regulate

Abortion in order to Minimize Its Harmful

Effects 3

Il. The Testimonies of Abortion Victims

Demonstrate that More Abortion Regulations

Are Needed, not Less 5

CONCLUSION 13

APPENDIX

Silent No More Testimonies App. 1

ll

TABLE OF AUTHORITIES

CASES

Planned Parenthood of Southeast2rn Pennsylvania v.

Casey, 505 U.S. 833 (1992) 3, 4,5

OTHER AUTHORITIES

http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/testimonies

/index.aspx 6

Senate Comm. on Health & Human Servs.,

Bill Analysis, Tex. H.B. 2, 83d Leg., 2d C.S. 1

(2013) 4

]

STATEMENT OF IDENTITY AND INTERESTS

OF AMICUS CURIAE PRIESTS FOR LIFE

Pursuant to Supreme Court Rule 37, Amicus Curiae

Priests for Life respectfully submits this brief in

support of the respondents, urging the Court to uphold

the legitimate state interest of Texas to regulate the

abortion industry in order to protect the health,

welfare, and safety of its citizens.’

Priests for Life is a pro-life organization created to

identify, educate, network, encourage, and mobilize

Catholic and other Christian clergy and lay people to

advance the protection of unborn children from

abortion through prayer, education, preaching,

teaching, publishing, and other religious

methodologies.

To promote its mission, Priests for Life, along with

Anglicans for Life, have developed the Silent No More

Awareness Campaign (“Silent No More”).

Silent No More is a joint project whereby Christians

make the public aware of the devastation abortion

brings to women and men. The campaign seeks to

expose and heal the secrecy and silence surrounding

the emotional and physical pain of abortion.

' All parties have consented to the filing of this brief.

Correspondence evidencing such consent has been filed with the

Clerk of the Court. Amicus Curiae Priests for Life further states

that no counsel for any party authored this brief in whole or in

part, and no counsel or party made a monetary contribution

intended to fund the preparation or submission of this brief. No

person other than Priests for Life, its members, or its counsel

made a monetary contribution to the preparation or submission of

this brief.

2

The specific goals of Silent No More are as follows:

¢ To reach out to people hurt after abortion,

encouraging them to attend abortion after-care

programs.

¢ To invite those who are ready to break the

silence by speaking the truth about abortion’s

negative consequences and the path to healing.

¢ To educate the public that abortion is harmful

emotionally, physically, and spiritually to

women, men, and families, so that it becomes

unacceptable for anyone to recommend abortion

as a “fix” for a problem pregnancy.

¢ To share the personal testimonies of hurt and

healing to help others avoid the injury and pain

caused by abortion.

It is through this Brandeis-style brief that Amicus

Curiae Priests for Life presents to this Court the

compelling testimonies of individuals who have been

harmed by the adverse effects of abortion so that those

who remain silent in the dark shadow of abortion will

remain silent no more.

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SUMMARY OF THE ARGUMENT

Texas has a compelling interest to protect the

health and safety of its citizens, and this includes

enacting regulations to raise the standard and quality

of care for women seeking abortions. The regulations

at issue serve that valid purpose, and they do not place

a substantial obstacle in the path of a woman seeking

an abortion.

In further support of Texas’ legitimate state

interest to regulate abortion and to promote the health

and welfare of women, included in this brief and its

appendix are testimonies of victims of abortion from

across the country—persons who have been harmed in

a profound way by this deadly procedure. These

testimonies reveal that regulations like those enacted

by Texas are not only valid, they are necessary.

ARGUMENT

I. Texas Has a Legitimate Basis to Regulate

Abortion in order to Minimize Its Harmful

Effects.

In Planned Parenthood of Southeastern

Pennsylvania v. Casey, 505 U.S. 833 (1992), this Court

adopted the “undue burden” standard to balance the

competing interests at stake in the abortion context.

Under that standard, a law violates the Constitution “if

its purpose or effect is to place a substantial obstacle in

the path of a woman seeking an abortion before the

fetus attains viability.” Casey, 505 U.S. at 878.

However, as the Court observed, “not all regulations

must be deemed unwarranted.” Jd. at 876. “The fact

that a law which serves a valid purpose, one not

designed to strike at the right itself, has the incidental

4

effect of making it more difficult or more expensive to

procure an abortion cannot be enough to invalidate it.”

Id. at 874.

Unquestionably, a state has a valid, indeed

compelling, interest to promote public health and to

secure the safety of its citizens, and this includes

protecting those who may be harmed by abortion—a

procedure that by its very nature is intended to destroy

human life. As this Court further acknowledged, states

also have a “legitimate goal of protecting the life of the

unborn.” Casey, 505 U.S. at 883.

As the record demonstrates, the stated and valid

purpose of the challenged regulations was to raise the

standard and quality of care for women seeking

abortions and to protect the health and welfare of

women seeking abortions.? The effect of this law

advances this legitimate purpose.

Consequently, as this Court held in Casey, even if

the challenged regulations make it more difficult or

more expensive to procure an abortion, that is no basis

to invalidate them. Casey, 505 U.S. at 874.

* See Senate Comm. on Health & Human Servs., Bill Analysis, Tex.

H.B. 2, 83d Leg., 2d C.S. 1 (2013) (“H.B. 2 seeks to increase the

health and safety of a woman who chooses to have an abortion by

requiring a physician performing or inducing an abortion to have

admitting privileges at a hospital and to provide certain

information to the woman.”); id. at 2 (“Moving abortion clinics

under the guidelines for ambulatory surgical centers will provide

Texas women choosing abortion the highest standard of health

care.”).

5

Il. The Testimonies of Abortion Victims

Demonstrate that More Abortion Regulations

Are Needed, not Less.

Proponents of abortion, specifically including those

who profit from it, such as the petitioner clinics in this

case, often claim that they want abortion to be “safe,

legal, and rare.” Yet, as this case demonstrates, their

paramount concern is to keep abortion “legal,” often

rejecting any effort by the states to ensure that

abortion is truly “safe” and further arguing that any

regulation that might have the incidental effect of

making abortion “rare” is automatically declared a

“substantial obstacle.”

Petitioners argue strenuously that Casey prevents

the states from adopting regulations such as the ones

at issue, while Casey itself says just the opposite. In

sum, Petitioners are incorrect to argue that Texas’

commonsense health regulations violate the U/S.

Constitution.

Consistent with Casey and in further support of a

state’s legitimate interest to regulate abortion, included

in this brief and its appendix is a sampling of the

numerous testimonies of victims of abortion from Texas

and other states across the country—persons who have

been harmed in a profound way by this deadly

procedure. Amicus Curiae Priests for Life believes it is

imperative that this Court hear their voices because

these testimonies demonstrate that what is needed is

more regulations like those enacted by Texas, not less.

Striking down Texas’ regulations will make it harder to

protect women such as these. Make no mistake,

abortion is not only fatal to the unborn; it is

exceedingly harmful to women as these testimonies

6

vividly illustrate. Because of the harm they suffered,

these victims of abortion want to remain silent no

more.

SILENT NO MORE TESTIMONIES—TEXAS *

Colleen,

Texas, United States

I scheduled a visit to an abortion clinic with my best

friend the next week. I was sickly nervous, visibly

shaking, and my stomach was very upset. I felt very

relieved when the abortion doctor performing my ultra-

sound showed me a white speck in my stomach, what

he referred to my fetus, and said, this “could” be a

pregnancy, but it’s too tiny to terminate. “You need to

wait several weeks and come back.” I felt very relieved

that I was told that I could not abort that day. Looking

back, it was very unusual, however.

I went back in several weeks later, again with my

best friend. I was very sick with morning sickness over

those weeks. My boyfriend and I had been getting into

horrible fights. I was emotionally a complete wreck

and again visibly shaking at the abortion clinic.

During that ultra-sound, only several weeks later,

the first doctor told me that I was 16-weeks pregnant,

and that since I was into my second trimester the

abortion would be more costly and also a more difficult

procedure. My exact words were, “I don’t understand,

I was just here several weeks ago and another doctor

* Additional testimonies of those harmed by abortion can be found

in the appendix and at http://Awww.silentnomoreawareness.org/test

imonies/index.aspx.

7

told me he wasn’t even sure I was pregnant, that all he

saw was a white ‘dot’ and to come back.” Then I said,

clearly and with certainty that I was very

uncomfortable with having a more difficult procedure

and that I would just have the baby. He looked

perplexed and brought in a second doctor who then

viewed my ultra-sound and said that I was “12-weeks”

and that we could proceed.

I remember that I was one of many girls in the

clinic and the expressions on everyone’s faces were

nothing less than a mixture of intense fear and pain.

Everyone was crying. The “feel” in the back room of

the clinic was overbearing—a place I could never

return. I was so scared when it came to be my turn, |

almost threw up, but instead I was shaking. | think I

was given a pain-pill, but I don’t remember. The

procedure was a suction procedure, and it seem|[ed] to

take what felt like forever. I kept asking “Is it almost

over?” I was crying hysterically and a kind woman was

holding my hand and telling me that it will be “okay ”

I still can’t make it through sharing this experience

without crying.

The procedure itself felt like intense cramping, and

I was in such intense pain immediately following it and

on the way home that I believed that there was

something wrong with me. I was bleeding huge

amounts and on the phone with the clinic for at least a

couple days following. They kept assuring me my pain

level, bleeding was ‘normal.’ I did not go to the doctor,

or a hospital because first of all, I didn’t have the

money or insurance to do so and secondly, I did not

want to tell anyone about this experience.

8

I bled in silence basically for almost a month. My

relationship with my boyfriend hit rock bottom during

that month. I broke up with him a couple of months

later and that seemed devastating to him, because I

believe he was very much in love with me. I was

intensely suffering from the trauma of the abortion and

I regretted it and recognized it as a mistake, almost

immediately following (or during) the procedure.

Probably before, but I felt that the clinic “Sold” the

abortion to me, telling me it was easy, relatively

painless, and by lying to me about the facts of how far

along I was—probably two times. I believe I was

probably 16-weeks along.

Jeannie,

Texas, United Sates

I was taken back to a room for an ultrasound that I

was not allowed to see. After the ultrasound was done,

I was sent to a clinic room where the abortion was to

take place. The doctor came in after I was put on the

exam table. He told me to lay back, be very still, and it

would all be over soon. I asked him about medicine for

the pain. He said that he was not going to give me pain

meds because I would be too sleepy and not want to

leave. I was afraid. The doctor started giving me

injections in my cervix and then began to pry it open

before it was numb. I told him to stop, but he told me

to shut up or I would scare away his other patients. I

began to cry from the pain. After the abortion the

doctor did not say a word and everyone left the room.

I knew at that point that not only what was growing

inside of me had died but also with it a part of who I

was.

9

I went home that day in a lot of pain and bleeding.

Two weeks later I was in even more pain, running

fever, and passing blood clots. I called the abortion

clinic and told them how I was feeling; they said it was

normal. I went on the Internet trying to find answers

to my pain. I came across a pro-life site that had a

picture of a ten week old fetus’s feet. I had no idea that

my baby had developed feet. That was when the truth

of what I had done hit me.

A week later I walked into my doctor’s office with a

high fever, dizziness, and horrible pain. My doctor did

an exam and ultrasound that day and found that parts

of my baby were still inside of me and had caused a

massive infection. I had to go in the hospital for IV

antibiotics and a D&C.

I spent the next two years in and out of the hospital.

I lived in constant pain. Because the infection in my

uterus had not been found in time it had gone deeply

into my uterus causing me to live on constant

antibiotics and pain management. I had many

surgeries to clean the lining of my uterus and to cut

nerves to my spinal cord to reduce the pain. Nothing

worked. I had nightmares of the abortion and began

taking sleeping pills. I lost my job being in and out of

the hospital so much. I stopped eating; I stopped

living. My doctor said he did not want to do a

hysterectomy because I was only 26. But in August

2004, I told my doctor that I wanted the hysterectomy.

I could not take the pain any longer; I wanted my life

back.

The surgery did not cure me, and the doctors finally

determined that I hald] a bladder condition that causes

pain. I became addicted to pain meds and many times

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I took too many pills to escape the emotional and

physical pain of my choice. | just didn’t care anymore.

Cathy,

Texas, United States

The next day at the hospital, I felt like I was part of

a cattle call, walking down long corridors, filling out

forms, sitting in waiting rooms, and trying not to look

at the other girls. Everyone kept their heads and eyes

down. Although I had been told that I wouldn’t feel

much pain (only some pressure), it was extremely

painful, and I will never in my life forget the loud

horrifying sound of the suction machine taking the life

out of my body I cried desperately in sorrow and pain,

and the nurse held my hand, but said nothing. For

some perverse reason, the doctor told me that it was a

boy _asif I had just delivered a baby!

Tammy,

Texas, United States

I was placed on a cold table; I remember being

yelled at because I couldn’t stay still or open my legs.

I looked at the monitor and asked if the image was my

baby. The monitor was turned away from my view. I

began to cry. The nurse looked down at me [and] said,

“I don’t know why you are crying, this was your

decision besides it was too late, the doctor has already

started.” I wanted to jump up and run as fast as I

could, but I was frozen. I was placed in recovery [and]

all you could hear were women crying and I remember

thinking if this was the right thing to do then WHY

was everyone crying?

Twenty-four hours later, I was rushed to the

emergency room. I remember telling the doctor what

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I had done, while performing the sonogram he

frantically looked at the nurse and said “prep her.” As

I drove home the images of my baby being torn apart

limb by limb and a piece of her still inside of my womb

started flashing in my mind, I knew at that moment |

had made the wrong decision! Guilt and self-hatred

penetrated my mind and body. I was diagnosed with

bi-polar disorder, had a nervous breakdown at twenty-

three. At the age of twenty-eight a complete

hysterectomy was ordered, no more children for me. I

was blessed to have two children so I stuffed my

feelings and accepted what I felt like was my

punishment.

Toni,

Texas, United States

At this time I was pro-choice in my political views,

but when I found myself up against that steel door that

seemed better suited for a prison than a portal of

liberation, I found myself decidedly pro-life. I did not

think it right to tell others what they should do with

their bodies. But as for myself, I did not want to have

an abortion. But the events of that fateful day raced

away from me. I signed in at the front desk and sat in

silence with my boyfriend.

When the lady behind the window called my name,

I went to the back alone, where a nurse led me down a

long hall to the very last room. Once in the room, |

noticed the dingy yellow walls, the tall cabinets that

lined one wall, and a padded chair in the corner. The

nurse gestured me to sit in the chair. But as I began to

sit, immediately I broke into tears. I sprang off the

chair and shouted repeatedly: “I will not do this! I

have to leave! I want to go! I can’t stay here!”

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But she stepped in front of me, barring my escape.

Clutching both my arms, the nurse forced me back into

the chair. I begged and pleaded like I knew what was

going to happen next: “Please don’t do this to me!

Please don’t do this to me!”

But she pulled a needle out of her pocket and

penetrated my arm. I vaguely remember feeling

someone lifting me from under both arms and someone

else carrying me lifting both my legs. I later awoke to

the nurse’s stares. Seeing my eyes open, she yelled for

me to wake up and pounded her fists on my chest to

keep me conscious. Groggy and unfocused, I felt

someone lifting me from the chair. I tried my best to

walk, but stumbled back to my waiting boyfriend. We

sat for a moment, and then he carried me to the car

and drove me home. I was now childless.

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CONCLUSION

The Court should uphold the constitutionality ofthe

Texas regulations at issue.

Respectfully submitted,

ROBERT JOSEPH MUISE

Counsel of Record

American Freedom Law Center

P.O. Box 131098

Ann Arbor, MI 48113

(734) 635-3756

rmuise@americanfreedomlawcenter.org

DAVID YERUSHALMI

American Freedom Law Center

1901 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W Suite 201

Washington, D.C. 20006

(646) 262-0500

dyerushalmi@americanfreedomlawcenter.org

Counsel for Amicus Curiae Priests for Life

APPENDIX

i

APPENDIX

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Silent No More Testimonies

App. 1

App. 1

APPENDIX

SILENT NO MORE TESTIMONIES

Doreen

New York, United States

I was sitting in Planned Parenthood on the table right

after I felt the warmth, comfort, and love of my baby’s

life trickle from my body and completely leave me. I

felt my baby leave my body just as I had felt it come

into my body. I felt so indescribably alone. The doctor

just ducked out of the room and left me sitting there.

I was clutching myself in deep spiritual and emotional

pain rocking back and forth with my head raised to the

ceiling chanting to myself, “Oh, God, what have I done?

My Lord, my God what have I just done?” I felt myself

dying inside and instantly knew why. I knew my

choice was categorically wrong and I was the loser. At

that moment I was terror stricken, filled with the

deepest regret possible, and experiencing the reality of

abortion. I had just betrayed the love of my Lord, my

spirit and denied my baby life. I had really truly just

killed my baby. All I wanted and wished for was to

undo what I had just done. To take it all back and

have a do over. Impossible! This was my choice. And

now I have to live with it. I was so terrified, ashamed

and angry. I felt there was no hope for me. No help for

me.

The very core of my being was shaking with pure

terror. I was panicked. To have your entire being

shaking at the core is pure terror. A horror that I pray

no other woman has to endure. My spirit withdrew

App. 2

with my baby’s. I was in shock and shaking with chills

and numb once my baby’s life dispersed from my body.

The horror and terror I was feeling was completely

inconceivable. Suddenly, there became no easy or

quick fix to change the circumstances of my life. They

had changed forever and were undeniably permanent

and undeniably wrong. There was nothing to comfort

me or change this now. I felt I didn’t know about the

consequences. I was infuriated with myself and

couldn’t fathom my ignorance and my denial of what an

abortion actually was—the taking of my baby and

God’s precious gift of life. No one warned me of

spiritual consequences, and I was so angry at Planned

Parenthood and the right to abortion. I felt utterly

deceived and lied to by Planned Parenthood for not

informing me of the spiritual consequence of abortion.

But I truly should have known and kept to my faith.

I was bleeding so heavily for days. It was like I was

hemorrhaging. Bits and pieces of my baby’s body were

coming out in my underwear. I had chunks of my

baby’s remains in the toilet paper when I used the

bathroom. Then during one shower my baby’s arm

came out and fell on the concrete floor of the shower.

I became frozen with fear and the grim reality that my

baby was dead. I couldn’t bear picking it up. It was

the tiniest little arm and I didn’t know what to do. I

couldn’t even fathom picking it up to throw it away, but

I just couldn’t leave it there. This was one of the worst

moments of my life. I felt so weak inside and repulsed

at what I had done. I had taken my baby’s life—a

human life. I just killed my baby. I was in terror. I

stood in the shower for what seemed like hours

contemplating what to do. Not being able to pick up

my baby’s arm I finally removed the cover to the drain

App. 3

and used it to push my baby’s arm down the drain. I

was so traumatized by what I had done. I was sickened

by my choice and its harsh reality. I was sickened by

what I was capable of. Most of all I was sickened that

my baby was dead and that it was final. There was no

escaping what I had done.

By doing this I denied my faith and my God. I really

truly should have known what I was doing. I felt I

didn’t know. I felt so dumb and stupid—just so very

stupid. I didn’t know how precious God’s gift of life was

and took it for granted, but I found out how precious

life is and how much we need to protect and respect

life.

Kristen

Illinois, United States

I went into Planned Parenthood in Effingham, IL for

birth control. I had to take a pregnancy test that day

then again in two weeks. I remember clearly hearing

someone say outside my door, “Give it to her anyways.”

They never said anything to me about it. Just gave me

the depo shot anyways.

About two months later I found out I was pregnant. I

went to work detasseling corn, and my mom needed to

know my last period date, so she had my sister call and

find out. They wouldn’t give it to her. But I called a

little later that day and [they] told me that my last

pregnancy test came back positive.

They ruined my life. If it had not been for their

mistake I would have been able to keep my baby. Since

then I was not able to conceive a child. I believe it is

because of damage done by the abortion. During the

procedure, I was awake. They put some medicine

App. 4

sticks in my cervix to open it, then used something that

sounded like a vacuum and told me to hold still. Are

you serious? It was the worst pain I have ever felt in

my life. Not to mention the most traumatic. After the

procedure I felt humiliated and hurt beyond belief. I

always wanted kids. Not so young, but the abortion

took that away. I have since gone through four cycles

of invitro fertilization, three tubal pregnancies, and

now a hysterectomy. I have found forgiveness from my

family and that is why I am silent no more.

Sandi

New York, United States

My boyfriend and a mutual friend accompanied me to

the clinic. When we arrived, it was pouring rain.

There was one man standing outside, a protestor, the

enemy in my book. Ms. G said they would yell and

shout at me; I was afraid and nauseous at the sight of

this lone man standing in the rain. As we approached

him he spoke, “Please,” he said, “Please don’t kill your

baby ” His tone was kind, sad and desperate. I kept

walking. I heard him say the name Jesus, I think, but

by that time we were in the clinic door and, thankfully,

he was no longer a threat.

The first thing they asked for at the desk was the $320

cash, which I handed over. I was glad that things were

moving along and this would soon be over.

The wait was long. There were perhaps 5-7 other girls

in the waiting area with me.

Finally, I was called back to a small office. There a

woman had me fill out some papers, sign my name, and

then she “counseled” me.

App. 5

She told me my mom could be a big help in times like

this. I remember thinking if I hadn’t told my mom up

to this point, I was certainly not going to tell her after

the fact. How could I? It would upset her so much, and

I couldn’t bear to see my mom sad. | thought these

things but never spoke aloud. I just nodded my head.

She told me there would be a bill sent to my home in

my name. She said the bill was for testing of the

tissue. I assumed they were going to see if the cells

and tissue were healthy (indeed, three months later a

bill showed up. I tossed it in the trash and never

received another).

She calculated how far along I was and then she led me

out of the room. As we walked down the hall she

turned to me with a tone of disgust and said, “Why did

you wait so long!?” I was stunned. What did she

mean? Ms. G told me I was 12 weeks along. At 12

weeks it wasn’t a baby, it was cells, wasn’t it? I was

amazed at her tone and, suddenly, I was ashamed. I

said, “I don’t know,” and we continued walking.

She led me down a sloping corridor into a small room

that was packed with people. I saw three cots on

wheels directly in front of me. Behind that was a small

row of chairs, to the left of the chairs a privacy screen,

and in front of the screen, against the far left wall, was

a small station with a few nurses. Through this room

I was led into a very tiny room, just big enough to fit a

gynecologic exam type table with stirrups, a few

portable lights, and some type of machine apparatus.

I was instructed to lie on the table with my legs in the

stirrups. I was then strapped into the stirrups. I was

wondering why this was necessary, but the woman left

the room before I had a chance to speak. I do not think

App. 6

that I would have spoken because | was too scared to

ask questions.

I do not know if this tiny room had a door. If it did,

they did not choose to use it. They left me there for

some time, strapped to the table, my legs tied to the

stirrups. Behind me, through the open door, was the

room full of people I described earlier. At one point, a

man who appeared to be a custodian walked into the

little room I was in. I felt horrified and embarrassed to

be seen by this stranger. My impression was that he

was there to clean or pick up soiled linens. I felt my

privacy had been violated. I also felt shame.

After some time, someone came into the room and set

up an IV She told me it was for the anesthetic. She

then left the room.

I didn’t know when the anesthesia would take effect.

Looking back, I now know they hadn’t started it, but

they were just getting everything ready to go.

A few minutes later a group of people came into the

room.

A nurse told me to count backwards from one hundred.

I began counting. I got to 96 and began to feel myself

losing consciousness. I heard a woman’s voice say,

“She’s out,” and then a man’s voice say. “Let’s get this

one over with quickly. I want to go to lunch.” I felt a

panic rise in me, and I heard in my mind my own voice

scream “NO!” I did not trust this man. Why was he

treating me this way? I then heard a loud sound, like

a rumbling of an engine or generator.

The next thing I remember was the sensation of hands

under my arms and legs. I heard voices. I knew they

App. 7

were lifting me, and I was still trying to say “no,” but I

was totally helpless. I could not speak or move, and it

scared me.

I opened my eyes, and I was in that crowded room.

There was a woman in a cot next to me. She asked me

if I was okay. She motioned over to another girl on a

cot who was shaking and still unconscious. “You were

doing that a minute ago; it’s what happens before you

wake up.”

“This time,” she continued, “I decided to just do the

light anesthesia, so | was awake. I am sorry I did that.

It was awful, I could hear the machine.” I had the

impression she was a prostitute. We spoke for a few

minutes. She seemed like a nice person, and it felt

good to talk to someone.

The nurses had me sit up. They said when I was ready,

I could move to one of the seats. I forced myself to be

well enough to get to the seat.

I watched the process going on in the room. The order

was cot, seat, change into your street clothes, cookies

and juice at the nurse’s station, and then out. There

was a steady stream of girls in various stages of this

process. I wanted out, so as soon as I could stand, I

asked for my clothes.

The walls behind the privacy screen were splattered

with blood. There were pools of blood on the floor in

which I made sure not to step.

After I dressed, the nurses gave me my cookies and

juice. They handed me some papers, some pills, and a

prescription. | think the pills were to stop bleeding. |

don’t remember what the script was for. They told me

App. 8

to see my doctor in two weeks. Feeling weak and dizzy,

I left to go home.

My immediate feeling after my abortion was relief. I

didn’t have to worry anymore and life could go back to

normal.

After the time prescribed I went to my gynecologist. I

told him I had an abortion. He asked me why I didn't

come to him for help. (At the time I did not know about

patient confidentiality, and I was fearful he would tell

my parents.) He asked me where I had the abortion.

When I told him, he looked as though he was going to

cry. I was shocked by his reaction and confused as to

why Ms. G would recommend a place that horrified my

doctor, a highly respected and well known gynecologist.

When he examined me, he told me I had significant

scarring to my uterus. He said he was hopeful it would

heal well enough for me to have children one day.

About a month after the abortion, I started having pain

in my groin and a yellowish discharge. I went back to

the doctor and was diagnosed with a vaginal infection.

Thus began a ten year odyssey of serious, almost

continuous reoccurring infections, swollen lymph nodes

in my groin, and pain in my ovaries and uterus.

Jules

California, United States

At 19 years old, I went into the abortion clinic to have

the surgical procedure. From the consultation to the

actual procedure, everyone was friendly and very

informative. Lying on that table, I was having

conversations about my future with the doctor and

anesthesiologist. I trusted them.

App. 9

As soon as | left Planned Parenthood | immediately

had the worst stomach pains of my life. Four days

later, | went to the emergency room because of how

much I was bleeding and clotting. It turns out I had an

infection. They did an ultrasound and more than 3/4 of

the baby was still inside of me. I had a full uterus.

The doctor informed me that if I didn’t go the very next

morning to have another procedure to have it removed,

I could die. Planned Parenthood was supposed to

remove the baby, and instead they killed the baby, left

the dead body inside me, and sent me home.

It’s possible that the infection will affect me having

kids in the future. It’s possible that I’m infertile. I

don’t know yet, all I know is that I am left traumatized,

damaged, and heart broken by the experience I went

through. And that is why I am no longer silent.

Jacquie,

Alabama, United States

We walked in and there were women sitting there that

were pregnant and some that were not. I couldn’t quite

figure that out, but it gave me some hope thinking,

perhaps, that this maybe wasn’t going to happen the

way he said it would. As I was sweating to fill out ry

paperwork I get called back, which was another red

flag to me, because I was the last one to arrive but the

first one to go back. A woman who said she was a

“nurse” wanted to determine how old the pregnancy

was. We determined that it was eleven weeks, which

means everything was formed. Even her teeth were

starting to form.

Before the paperwork could get finished the doctor

comes in and says. “Are we ready?” I said, “No,” and

App. 10

she said, “Yes.” I said, “But I need to finish my

paperwork.” He said, “Well we're ready.”

So I was taken into the room and I thought, I have

some hope. You have to examine what you plan to

remove, correct? As I thought the examination was

being done things [got] very, very painful and very

intense. I kept asking him to stop. I begged him to

stop. Then I finally rose up and screamed, “Please

stop!” At that point the nurse pushed me down and she

said, “Hold on just one more minute.” The abortionist

said, “Yes, just one more part.”

At that point I would forget that for many, many years

because as my sisters have said, you go into denial and

you forget many things. It wasn’t until someone said

something to me about the different types and forms of

abortion that I finally realized that my daughter had

been dismembered piece by piece. I’ve learned later on

that most abortuaries go back and they place the

children back together, piece by piece, to account for

everything, if you’re lucky.

After the procedure there was no numbing of the

patient. There was nothing to calm me down. Nothing.

The doctor said to me, “If you have excessive bleeding

you can go to the emergency room. If you have pain,

you can take Tylenol, and release pain.” I walked out

into, what was the waiting room at that facility, my

fiancé was gone, never to be seen again. I walked

across the street, thinking there was a parking deck

across the street, and I thought well maybe he had

actually grown a conscious and maybe he’s parked the

car there. As I proceed to go across the street in

Bethesda I collapse in the middle of the road and

almost bled to death by the time the paramedics got

App. 11

me. What happened then was even worse. I. was

admitted to the hospital. I was living a lie. I had a

wedding in three weeks. I couldn’t call my parents. I

couldn’t tell anyone. It wasn’t until, literally, half my

life later that I would be able to tell my parents and

then be able to seek the healing that I needed at

Rachel’s Vineyard.

Joyce,

Maryland, United States

I made a decision to have an abortion and go into the

Army. The impact of all of this is that I suffered a

damaged kidney. I found out much later that half of

my kidney was damaged because when I went into the

military, I had this infection and the infection had

gotten into the kidney, but it was the consequence of

the abortion.

I did not do any follow-up from the abortion as I was

told to do because I had to leave. This infection settled

into my body, and into my kidney, and damaged half of

my kidney. That was one of the impacts. The other

impact was the thought of this abortion where it felt

like a vacuum cleaner just cleaning you out. I wanted

to jump off the table and they literally held me down

onto the table until this thing was over. That was

something I would never, ever forget.

Andrea

Pennsylvania, United States

My mother’s friend, who is a registered nurse, came

with us to the clinic. The baby’s father came with me

to the first visit. The consultation was just a bunch of

paper work. There was no asking me if this was what

App. 12

I wanted, or if I had second thoughts. It was just

strictly how I would be paying.

I went back to see the doctor. It took me by surprise

that he was a guy. They gave me an Rh shot, and he

“examined” me. He told me that I was eight weeks

pregnant. (The “cut off” time for abortions in their

office was eight weeks. However, I knew he was lying

to me because I had kept track. I didn’t speak up). He

didn’t use a sonogram or anything to be sure; he felt

inside of me and made up a number. He then made me

go back out in the waiting room. I wanted to read the

information in the office, but no one would allow me.

They kept saying that at the age of fourteen, I was

making the right “choice” and didn’t need to read

anything that would be “upsetting.”

When I was called back, I started to cry my eyes out.

I asked if my mom could come back with me, but they

said that wasn’t allowed. I started losing it. They took

me to the “procedure” room and told me to get

undressed and lie down on the table. I did. They gave

me no pain killers, and I was awake for the whole

thing. To help me, a nurse held my hand. From the

very second the pain began, I held back my screams.

He told me that I couldn’t move or else I would never

be able to have children again. Some screams exited

my mouth from the amount of pain. The nurse put her

hand over my mouth and told me to be quiet because I

would scare the other patients. I squeezed the nurse’s

hand so tight that it started turning purple. My body

had a rush of heat go through me, and then I was

freezing. As he was cutting through my cervix and

scrapping my uterine walls, the sounds that I heard

will never leave my memory. This took about fifteen

App. 13

minutes. After he was finished, I felt so sick like I had

to vomit. I couldn’t believe what I just had done. I

wanted to stop it. God, how could I have listened to

“the man I loved?”

They had me stand up, and I almost blacked out,

catching myself on the stirrups. I looked down, there

was my baby. The remains of my child were lying in a

bucket right there for the entire world to see what I

had done. It was like time stood still. That image was

burned into my mind. I saw that the “clump of cells,”

my baby, was my son. They took me to the “recovery”

room where there they gave me orange juice and stale

cookies. Other women were in there as well lying

down, some crying, and others just curled up in pain.

After thirty minutes or so, they had me go change

myself because of the blood. As I went to do so, blood

just started gushing out of me. I tried to catch it with

my hands, but the blood filled them up in seconds flat.

It was pouring over my hands and down my legs,

soaking my socks and onto the floor. I was frozen and

in shock. A nurse knocked on the wall and asked if I

need assistance. I said very faintly, “Oh my God, help

me, please, help me, God, please help me.” She came

in to help me (there was only a privacy curtain), and

she knocked the curtain off the wall. She let all the

women there see me with my blood and my child’s

blood overflowing my hands. She helped clean me up,

and I passed out from the loss of blood. They tried to

stop the hemorrhaging, but it wouldn’t let up. The

nurse wrapped me in a blanket and told my mother to

take me to a hospital. My mother started panicking,

asking why an ambulance couldn’t be called. The

nurse replied, “For business purposes.” We started

leaving, and we were told we were not allowed to leave

App. 14

through the front doors because of how I looked. We

were shown the back door and left for the hospital

immediately. When I arrived at the hospital, they

informed me that the abortionist that I went to (Earl

McLeod) had killed several women in the past for not

getting them proper medical attention. They stopped

the bleeding, gave me a transfusion, and discharged

me. On the way home, the procedure felt like it was

still going on with every bump or groove in the road

that we went over. Little did I know that that pain was

only the beginning.

Sandra,

Virginia, United States

At the age of 19, I became pregnant, and there was no

talking about me keeping it. He told me that I had to

have an abortion because I loved him and that it wasn’t

good for us to have it right now. He said that we

couldn’t afford it and that if I didn’t go through with

the abortion, he would leave me. I was devastated. So,

in June of 1989, I went to the abortion clinic in the city

and waited inside alone. He stayed out in the car and

wouldn’t come in with me. He said that I had to be a

big girl, and to do this for US. When I walked in, the

clinic felt cold and not very friendly at all. The nurses

were all very nonchalant and cold. There didn’t seem

to be any love or concern in their attitudes. Everything

felt like business. I was taken to a room upstairs

where they did the procedures. I was put into a

waiting room where another nurse came in and

explained that this “thing” that was growing inside of

me was nothing more than a “clump of cells” that had

“no life” in it. From what they could tell, I was about 8

weeks along. She gave me a pill to take to help me

App. 15

relax and to help start dilation. She gave me a

dressing gown and told me that I needed to change and

prepare for the procedure. I was asked if I needed

anything, and I said no. She left.

About 15 minutes later, I was in the room with the

doctor and, I was put onto this table that had stirrups

on it in which to place your feet. They hooked an IV up

to me and gave me something in the IV to help me to

relax again and not feel pain. I remember going in and

out of consciousness, but I remember hearing

something that sounded like a vacuum. I felt a lot of

pressure in my abdomen and I remember hearing the

doctor say, “It’s too big. I’m going to have to crush it to

get it to suction out.” I had no idea what he was talking

about, but all I remember was the pain that I suddenly

felt. Then it was over. They took me into a recovery

room and told me to lie down because I would still be

very weak from the drugs, and they needed my

bleeding to slow down before I could leave. They gave

me some juice because I felt extremely dizzy. She came

in to check on me and said that my bleeding hadn’t

slowed down enough to what they had liked, but if I

had someone with me, they would send me home and

I could recover there. So, I walked out of the clinic by

myself. When I got into my boyfriend’s car, we drove

home without saying anything. He didn’t even look at

me the whole drive back to the apartment. When we

got there, I went straight to bed, and he came in and

told me that he had to go to work, and that I did the

right thing for US. At that moment, I didn’t feel like I

had done the right thing. I grieved and felt such a loss

for the next several days. I felt like something

tremendous had been taken away from me. The

bleeding that they said was supposed to stop never did.

App. 16

I ended up back in the hospital for a D and C.

Apparently during my procedure, there were areas in

my uterus that were bleeding from the instruments

that had been used. The doctor said that if I hadn’t

come in, I could have bled to death. He asked me what

I had done, and I told him that I had an abortion. He

looked at me and just shook his head. In that moment

I felt so much shame and guilt from the looks that he

gave me. He gave me a prescription for pain and one to

help fight infection and sent me home. There was no

compassion there. After a day or so, the bleeding

stopped and I was left feeling empty.

Debbie,

Indiana, United States

I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was having morning

sickness and gaining weight. My boyfriend took me to

Planned Parenthood. They asked me a series of

questions. At the end, they said since I was unmarried,

my mom wouldn’t help me, my boyfriend didn’t want to

marry me, and that I smoked cigarettes and marijuana

and drank alcohol, my only option was an abortion.

They said my baby would most likely be mentally

retarded or deformed due to my partying. They also

said that the baby wasn’t formed yet and was just cells.

When I told them I was scared, they said they could

give me a laminaria.

They said it wouldn’t hurt at all, but it would be more

money. I went out to the car to ask my boyfriend what

to do and he gave me the extra money for the

laminaria. I felt trapped, but I thought that maybe if

I did this he would stay with me.

App. 17

That night I started praying and decided to try to

cancel the abortion. I called Planned Parenthood’s

emergency number and talked to a nurse who said that

I would miscarry because of the laminaria, so I had to

go through with it. Years later I found out from

watching an ex-abortion doctor’s video that they lied,

and that I could have safely had the laminaria taken

out and kept my baby.

My mom took me the day of the abortion. I couldn't

quit shaking from the fear. The Planned Parenthood

nurse gave me a valium but I was not put to sleep. I

was awake and alert through the whole thing. I

remember the pain like a knife in my stomach and the

sounds of the machine, and I remember the doctor

yelling at me not to move. Tne medical assistant came

running in after they took the bottle holding the

contents of my baby out of the room. I asked what

happened and she said that the bottle had broken. She

didn’t know what to do because she couldn’t piece the

baby back together. I remember feeling shocked and I

asked if she knew the sex of my baby! They took me to

the recovery room and ] remember all the girls there

with glazed looks and crying. Immediately afterward

I felt shock that it was over. I felt some relief but also

a deep sadness and emptiness which I numbed out.

Tonya,

Florida, United States

I had an abortion in 2001. I was eighteen and heavily

influenced by my mother. She took me to the clinic on

12th and Delaware in Fort Pierce, FL. We waited in

the clinic together, but she knew I was very hesitant.

We had to wait for a while for the abortionist to come.

I don’t think he even lived in the area. The nurse said

App. 18

he would be coming through the back door with a sheet

over his head.

When he finally arrived, I was given something to calm

me down. After taking something that made me feel a

little “out there,” I realized that my Mother was

nowhere in sight. I asked the nurse to get her but was

told she left to get coffee and would be back when

everything was over. She also told me that she was

glad that I wasn’t talking about God and that there

were no “Jesus freaks” here today. I had also been told

earlier that my child was “not a baby yet,” and I was

denied the right to see my ultrasound.

When I was taken to the room to have the procedure, I

remember thinking, this does not look like a place

anyone should be having surgery. Now as a

espiratory Therapist, I know there was absolutely no

emergency medical equipment. Just a bed with

stirrups and a suction machine for extracting my baby.

There was one very nice young nurse there that didn’t

say much but held my hand during the death of my

child. I remember thinking that I did not deserve such

comfort. When I sat up, I saw bloody babies in a

Tupperware bowl on the counter. Afterwards I was

taken back to a little room with a recliner. I was

shaking uncontrollably. My mother was not called

until the shaking stopped, and I looked more

presentable.

I had severe bleeding and a stabbing pain for weeks

after. I notified the clinic of the symptoms, and they

were not interested in hearing about it. They told me

to go to the ER. The problem was, I did not know the

App. 19

exact procedure done to me and did not know how to

tell the ER what I had done. I was ashamed.

Jennifer,

Massachusetts, United States

I had an abortion when I was 27, and my life has never

been the same. I knew it was wrong, even though I

was not religious at the time. I justified it, and my

boyfriend (now husband) encouraged it. I was very sick

with Lyme’s disease at the time and could barely walk

so I told myself that the baby would be sick with all the

antibiotics. The day of the abortion I wanted someone

to stop me. I felt like I was going to my execution. |

couldn’t stop crying and shaking and I couldn’t look at

my boyfriend. I went to a very “nice” looking doctor’s

office in San Francisco, but once I got into the

procedure room I felt like they were treating me like a

criminal. I told them the painkillers they had given me

weren’t working, but they proceeded anyway. I shook

uncontrollably and cried the whole time. When I got

home I lay on the couch and cried the rest of the day.

Jenn,

Oregon, United States

I'll never forget walking into the Planned Parenthood

abortion clinic in Syracuse, NY. It was a huge, cold

waiting room. My boyfriend had paid the $300.00 fee

and immediately left me there by myself. He told me

to call him when it was done. I felt so alone and scared

as I filled out the paperwork that they gave me. Keep

in mind, I was 17 at the time and was not accompanied

by my parents. It’s the same today as back then no

questions asked, no matter the age. No parental

consent need be given. After filling out the paperwork,

App. 20

I was taken into a room and made to watch a short

video about what my abortion would be like. I can only

describe this video as wishful thinking, because it

bared little resemblance to the actual invasive

procedure I was about to have.

I was let into a very cold, small room and told to

undress and put on the paper gown they supplied me

with. After a few minutes the “doctor” came in, sits at

a chair at my feet and just starts. He did not say one

word to me. The nurse that was there grabbed my

arms and started holding me down. All of a sudden, |

felt a hot, searing pain and I saw STARS! I gasped as

the “doctor” shoved a needle into my cervix. He said to

me“ stay still! It doesn’t hurt! It’s all in your head!

Let me FINISH!” I remember that the nurse still had

me pinned down and I just wanted to jump up and run

out the door, but I could not move. The pain was

indescribable, as was the feeling of helplessness I felt.

No one was there to help me. All I remember after that

was pressure and extreme pain. I know I was crying.

The “doctor” just rolled his eyes at me afterward and

said it was finished. I got dressed and was just numb

as I walked out the door. No after procedure

instructions were given. No follow up appointments

made. They got their money and now would have

nothing else to do with their patient.

After getting back home, I just went to my room and

cried myself to sleep. I was cramping very bad and it

was the worst period I have ever had. I remember

globs of tissue and blood pouring out. After a few days

it subsided and I went about my life again. A few

weeks later when my cycle did not come around again,

I went to a clinic doctor and he informed me that I was

App. 21

STILL PREGNANT! I was floored. I could not even

comprehend what he was saying to me. This could not

be happening it just couldn't.

After that, I was unable to get another abortion it

was too late. I was relieved, but also knew I was not

able to care for a child. I still had to finish high school,

and then college. I had the baby well, actually,

BOTH babies. You see, I had been pregnant with

TWINS. I lost one at birth, the other I gave up for

adoption. She was beautiful. They BOTH were. That

was the hardest thing I have ever done, giving her up,

but I loved her so much I had to. I named the babies

Jessica and Sarah. Jessica was adopted.

Connie,

Wisconsin, United States

The clinic was very cold and dreary They did not tell

me that this blob of tissue, as it was referred to, was a

baby with a heart beat or explain the risks involved;

the possibility of an infection or perhaps never being

able to have another baby. The nurse who assisted the

doctor never smiled or gave a comforting touch or word.

The doctor briefly explained the procedure, telling me

there would be a sucking sound like a vacuum cleaner.

He said there would be no pain. It was over just like

that, my baby was pulled from my body. I went home

and lay on the couch in the dark wondering what had

I done! A few days later my doctor told me I had an

infection in my uterus as a result of the abortion.

Sandy,

Wisconsin, United States

In April, 1975 I had an abortion done at the university

hospital in Madison, WI. The abortion was done

App. 22

against my will and heart’s desire. I was 16 yrs. old at

the time and my parents had been separated a year

and going through a divorce. The abortion was done as

my father was afraid if anyone else found out that I

was pregnant, he would lose custody of my brother and

me. We would then have to go to live with my mother.

My mother conceived me before marriage and I was her

reason she got married. Thus, she counseled me to get

an abortion and not ruin my life. I felt so ashamed of

myself, I felt panic, confusion, fear and after I

bargained with God, and the disbelief settled; I got my

courage up and shared the news with my boyfriend.

He wanted to get married, but we both felt we were too

young. We decided we would make a plan, to place the

baby for adoption. We went to Planned Parenthood in

Milwaukee, thinking they were there to help make

plans for being a parent. We thought we could get

more information on adoption. We were so surprised

that the information we were looking for, Planned

Parenthood didn’t share with us but instead

recommended abortion.

I left feeling very unsupported and wanting no part of

what she was suggesting. We begged my dad for the

longest time to reconsider. Finally the day came that

he was driving me to the hospital. I remember going in

for the procedure and lying on [a] table in this cold

sterile metal furnished room. I remember the nurse

telling me how they would pass a long needle into my

abdomen to exchange the amniotic fluids with the

saline solution. I remember the doctor inserting the

needle and my leg jumped and hit a tray of

instruments near the bottom of the table I laid on. It

sent all their instruments flying. The doctor cursed me

and told me not to move again or I could cause

App. 23

problems with my uterus. I told him that I didn’t want

to be here or have the abortion done! He told me that

my parents brought me here for this to be done and so

this is what they were going to do.

After it was finished, I remember going back out to

where my boyfriend and parents were waiting. I broke

down and sobbed. More than a medical procedure

happened. I felt like I had died from the inside out.

After the procedure we went back to my hospital room

to wait till the solution caused me to go into labor and

my baby to be aborted. I was instructed that when I

felt pressure developing I was to bear down with my

abdomen and not sit up but to ring for the nurse to

come. I remember clinging to a little stuffed animal

the whole time I went through the aborting labor, alone

with no one else around.

Peggy,

Tennessee, United States

I was prepped, drugged with valium and then felt a

very long and horribly painful cramp as I heard a

vacuum cleaner sound. I remember sobbing as I dozed

off. Then I was awakened, got dressed, and my

husband drove me home.

I lied about it, rationalized and justified it for twenty

six years. But, the abortion not only killed my innocent

baby, it damaged me physically, mentally and

spiritually. Because of the physical damage done to my

uterus from the suction curettage abortion, I had to

have a hysterectomy three months later.

App. 24

Kelly,

Georgia, United States

I am speaking to you today because abortion, in so

many ways, changed my life forever. I had two

abortions ten years ago because I was already a

divorced single mom who didn’t want her Christian

parents to know she was sleeping with her boyfriend.

I remember every sight, sound and smell in the clinic.

I felt like a number rushed in and out and treated

with indifference. I suffered for months after the

second abortion until doctors discovered I had an

incomplete abortion and there were still parts of my

child inside of me.

Kim,

Mississippi, United States

I never met the doctor. I was told by Planned

Parenthood to bring loose fitting clothes. After the

procedure, I was cautioned that I could hemorrhage

and was explained the signs of infection.

I was in college. My boyfriend drove me from

Starkville to Memphis; neither of us said very much on

the way there, I just watched the trees as we drove. On

the way back I was sick, frightened, cramping and in

great emotional pain. I couldn’t speak; I just stared out

of the window as tears flooded down my face knowing

that I had killed my child.

After a sedative and being strapped to the exam table

I said, “I can’t do this, let me up.” After that, I was

forcefully held down by two people and given another

sedative this time and [an] injection in the vein in my

hand. I put my legs together and heard the doctor tell

his assistant to do something about that; they held my

App. 25

legs apart and I begged and called for my boyfriend.

Today, I know that he never heard my screams. The

doctor started the procedure and I felt pain and could

hear the suction noise. I felt sick and could feel the hot

tears flowing down my face. I just wanted to die.

Mary,

Florida, United States

I had an abortion because I was in an abusive

relationship. I had been beaten by my boyfriend and

he threatened my life multiple times. He threatened to

take our child away from me and send the child to

Morocco with his family. I experienced verbal,

physical, emotional, social and financial abuse in this

relationship. I experienced going through a domestic

violence victim’s program. I had experienced abuse

and abandonment in my family. My brother sexually

abused me, as well as another family member. I was

accustomed to being treated terribly and thought this

was normal.

During the abortion experience, I felt as if the staff at

the Orlando clinic was not concerned about my welfare.

No one asked me if my life was in danger even though

my boyfriend was cursing at me in the clinic. During

the procedure I was extremely cold and uncomfortable.

With the nurse and doctor, it was just business as

usual. The nurse told me everything would be alright.

The doctor didn’t even talk to me or look at me. I was

crying violently during the procedure as I felt my child

being ripped out. I was told to be quiet and given extra

pain medication to sleep.

App. 26

Terri,

Wisconsin, United States

It was a day in late August 1980. At the clinic, they

asked me why I was choosing abortion. I felt that I

wasn't “choosing” abortion at all; I felt like I didn’t have

a choice. The room was cold and for a minute I think

I convinced myself I was just going in for a pap. They

told me I would have some cramps, I would hear the

suction machine, and then it would all be over. I

remember being scared out of my mind and wanting to

leave, but I couldn’t. I had to go through with this. I

remember the nurse holding my hand as | started to

cry and I realized that it wasn’t my insides that were

being sucked out of me, but my baby. I wanted it to

stop. Not only did my baby die that day, but deep down

inside, so did I.

In the waiting room afterwards, they gave me juice and

cookies, like I had just given blood or something. I

remember thinking, “I just killed my baby and I get

juice and cookies for a reward.” It made me sick inside.

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I just wanted to

get drunk and stoned to kill the pain in my body and

soul. I ended up on a street corner, screaming and

crying out to God to forgive what I had done. But I

knew Gow couldn’t forgive this one—this was the

unforgivable sin. At least that’s what I thought.

I bled for two months afterwards, ending up in the

hospital with a D&C. Sometimes an abortion is not

complete and parts of the baby can be left inside,

causing hemorrhaging. I know this is exactly what

happened to me. A year later, I was diagnosed with

endometriosis. With the realization that I may never

App. 27

have another child, I believed this was God’s

punishment for what I had done.

Renee,

Illinois, United States

Once inside, I gave the receptionist a fake name. I felt

numb. I filled out paper work, talked to a counselor,

talked to a nurse, and tried not to think about what I

was doing. A nurse escorted me into the abortion room.

She helped me get ready for the procedure and just

asked me vague questions about the weather and if I

was going to school. The abortionist came into the

room and began my abortion. The nurse was leaning

over me and staring into my eyes. After a little while,

she asked the doctor, “Is something wrong?” He said,

“It is trying to get away—I'’ve tried three times!”

I was shocked!! What he said hit me like a ton of

bricks. It is trying to get away! I started to pray and

ask God to stop all this from happening—to not let it

work—to let it fail—to put His hand in the way of the

vacuum. I couldn’t believe what I was doing!! Seconds

later, the abortionist said, “It’s done.” He put away his

tools and left the room. From that moment on I have

REGRETTED MY ABORTION! I just wanted to run,

todie I wasANGRY! After the nurse left the room,

I started to cry. A part of me died in that room. I knew

what I did was wrong. The “IT” he was referring to

was MY BABY!

Lilian,

Alabama, United States

I made my appointment and went to my local Planned

Parenthood for my abortion. I was in the waiting room

where other girls were waiting for their appointments.

App. 28

The mood was solemn and sad. Everyone knew what

they were about todo. For whatever reasons, all of us

were there because we felt we were backed into a

corner. Eventually, they took me to a room. After

waiting in the room a while, I began to have second

thoughts. Being brought up a Christian, I knew this

was very wrong. I feared that if I had the baby, not

only would my boyfriend be tied to me for life, but he

may abuse the baby as well. How could I put a child

through his abusive tirades?

I had to wait a long time in that sterile plain room to

get ready for the abortion. The workers were very

ineffectual and not very nice at all; they almost threw

the paper gown at me. A nurse entered the room to

prepare me for the abortion and I told her I was having

second thoughts. She said, “OK, I will tell the doctor.”

When the doctor came and I told him I had second

thoughts, he said nothing to me; he just pulled out a

syringe filled with something from his lab coat pocket

and injected me. I lost consciousness for a while, when

I came to, the procedure was already underway.

I was numb and unable to move, but I kept repeating

over and over again, “I changed my mind, I changed my

mind.”

The doctor had a devilish look of enjoyment on his face

as he ripped my baby apart. As he worked, he said to

me, “This is best for you and I need a new hot tub for

my new home.” I couldn’t believe it when he said such

a thing. My head was spinning and I went numb from

the shock of what was happening to me. All I could

think about was how I could ever atone for the murder

of my child. I heard the sucking of the machine as he

App. 29

worked. I swear I could hear my baby’s soul crying as

it was torn apart.

I finally woke up completely and when I said that I had

changed my mind, they told me that I asked for a

sedative which made me hallucinate. It was not a

hallucination and I never asked for a sedative. Those

awful people forced me to have an abortion against my

will. The minute I expressed any doubts about my

abortion, they took steps to make sure they got my

money from me.

Kathy,

Ohio, United States

When I began to fear the worst, I went back to Planned

Parenthood where the pregnancy test confirmed that |

was indeed pregnant. The Planned Parenthood worker

suggested I schedule an abortion the next day as the

doctor still had an opening. I remember feeling

trapped and panicky as I moved into a crisis mode.

The PP worker assured me that I could talk to a

“counselor” the next day about my concerns. It also

quickly became clear that my relationship itself hung

in the balance if I did not “choose” abortion. Again, the

standard party line given by pro-choice advocates as to

why women get abortions are not even close. In

underscoring the dynamics of “choice” surrounding

abortion, Frederica Mathewes-Green captured the

truth: “Women don’t want an abortion like they want

an ice cream cone or a Porsche. They want an abortion

like an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its

own leg to escape. Abortion is a tragic attempt to

escape a desperate situation by an act of violence and

self-loss.” By the time I arrived at the clinic the next

morning, I was paralyzed with fear. My “counselor”

App. 30

collected my $200 cash, asked a few questions, and

assured me everything would be fine. She reiterated

that this was a good choice for me as an unmarried

woman only six or seven weeks pregnant. My

“counseling” session lasted less than five minutes. No

one ever said a word to me that day about the baby and

I quickly found myself in a room with a doctor I’d never

met, who knew nothing about me (including my

complete medical history, I might add), and who said

nothing to me. It had barely been 24 hours between

the time I found out I was pregnant and the time my

first child was destroyed. I was numb.

However, I also felt a huge surge of relief that no one

would find out I’d ever been pregnant. Yet just one

week later, I was in the hospital for surgery to correct

the complications from my “safe and legal” earlier

abortion. No one ever told me about that risk.

Nine years later I ended up with a tubal pregnancy

that was rupturing, which obviously not only ended

that baby’s life, but also resulted in the removal of my

fallopian tube and my ovary. No one ever told me

about that risk either.

Mary,

Virginia, United States

My sister took me to a clinic and dropped me off. I was

so scared. I checked in and did as they asked. I filled

out the paperwork and then sat there all alone. I was

called into a treatment room and told to undress and

get on the cold table. In a few minutes, a doctor came

in to examine me. He was very rough. It was very

uncomfortable due to the severity of the STD. As he

jammed his hand into my vagina, I tightened up. He

App. 31

then meanly said to me, “You have a bad attitude. I’m

here to help you.” As he walked to the door he turned

to me and said, “Do you want my help or not?” So I

said, “Yes. I need your help.” He completed the

examination and I laid as still as I could without

moving until he was done. He then just walked out the

door and slammed it behind him.

I got up and put my clothes on. I was told to go sit in

the hallway on a wooden bench. They informed me

that I would be able to speak with a counselor, before

I made the decision, in the event I wanted to change

my mind. As I sat there, I was convinced that this was

not what I wanted to do. I was going to tell the

counselor just as soon as I could that this was NOT

what I wanted to do. In what seemed to be an eternity,

I was called by a nurse into an exam room. They put

me on the table and began to start the procedure. I

recall, that as I lay there, I could hear the nurses

talking. One of them said, “Who is this?” And the other

nurse said, “Mary J-s.” She replied, “There must be

two Mary J-s here.” The other replied, “Oh well, just go

ahead and do it while she’s here.”

Lena,

Florida, United States

I remember feeling horrible immediately. The pain

was in my lower body and it was very intense. A short

while later, I was escorted to the back door which led to

the parking lot. My mother waited for me there. As I

rode in the passenger seat of my mother’s car out of the

driveway, I recall making eye contact with a person

who was holding a sign and walking in front of the

abortion mill. It was too late for me and for my child.

App. 32

One week later, I found myself in no better condition.

I had been running a serious fever of nearly 105

degrees for almost the entire week. I was living at my

boyfriend’s parents’ home at the time, and his mother

took notice of my condition. Thanks to her persistence,

I finally allowed her to take me to a walk-in clinic. She

was sure there was something really wrong with me.

At the clinic, there was panic and I was immediately

taken to the hospital.

Eight days after having my abortion, I was admitted to

the hospital and put in the intensive care unit. During

my first two days there, I worsened, despite broad

spectrum IV antibiotics. My family was told that I

could die.

My body was shutting down, due to major infection

from septic abortion. I had acute pyelonephritis,

sepsis, pneumonia and presumed congestive heart

failure.

I was attached to a heart machine and I had a tube in

my throat so I could breathe.

Because my condition was getting worse and worse, |

had to have emergency surgery in the middle of the

night. My body was so swollen, I was told that I looked

like I was nine months pregnant. During my

emergency surgery, 300 cc of bloody peritoneal fluid

was removed from my body. How I survived this is

truly a miracle.

App. 33

Billie,

California, United States

My husband did not make any objections and in fact set

the appointment up at Planned Parenthood. We went

in the afternoon because it was more efficient for him

to be able to work beforehand.

I will never forget how humiliated I felt and how the

person (I assume she was a nurse) made me feel.

When she was examining me she said, “You're not

pregnant” I just looked at her with disbelief. She was

rough in her behavior and really lacked as a

“professional.” I remember saying that I was pregnant

and she should have someone else check. She did and

they concurred with me.

I was told to go into the other room and change my

clothes and they gave me a pill to take. Vaguely, I

remember going into another room and getting onto [a]

table much like an exam table. The doctor made

comment on my name and that it reminded him of a

dancer. It was, I thought in poor taste especially since

I was in the position that I was in. I remember very

little from that point with the exception of what I

thought was a dream.

Diana,

Pennsylvania, United States

The second abortion was in a clinic in Indianapolis and

I was awake throughout. I can still hear that awful!

sucking machine and the doctor’s voice saying, “I’m

trying to get it all.” IT? IT? I felt a deep agony overcome

me. That “IT” was my baby.

App. 34

I was never more alone or scared in my life. All the

women in the recovery area were very quiet, except

one. The woman was crying loudly and | will

remember her to my dying day. Many of the women

refused to look at anyone. I was feeling numb and

detached by now. I felt like I was watching a horror

show.

My physical symptoms began at once; I couldn’t stop

vomiting or bleeding for a long time. I had infection

after infection. I kept thinking why didn’t someone tell

me what would happen to me. I was not told that I

would be so ill. It was ongoing vomiting and bleeding

for a month. I felt like I was dying.

The months following the abortion were very

traumatic. I had infection after infection in my womb.

It was ongoing and never ending illness.